Awareness is one of the important trends of our time. We are talking about conscious breathing, nutrition, movement. But a conscious parting for a divorce is unexpectedly. Nevertheless, such a concept exists. It was developed by the psychotherapist Katherine Woodword Thomas, who helped to survive the divorce to thousands of people.

Despite the specifics of his work, Katherine Woodword Thomas is very sympathetic to the idea of ​​a marriage union for life. Another thing is that she considers this idea an unrealistic idea: “It must be understood that this is a myth that arose about 400 years ago, when the average life expectancy was less than 40 years, people were not mobile and they were extremely few options for choosing. I think people are ready for new alternatives now. Yes, we are creating a couple with the intention of traveling a long way together, but if it comes to a break, we need to know that there is such an option as a “conscious parting”.

This term circled all the light when actress Gwyneth Paltrow mentioned it in 2014 – she told in her blog that he and Chris Martin decided to divorce, and how they relate to their divorce.

Many mocked the idea of ​​“conscious parting”-they say, this is another idea in the spirit of “New Age” and the practitioner “Help yourself”. Was she offended? “Well, it was as it was,” she answers. – I can understand that. At least, the term “conscious parting” appeared in the dictionary within a day after Paltrow used it, saying that this is how to approach a divorce in the 21st century. So there is a positive side here ".

True, many still understand her concept incorrectly, saying that this is an option only for the elite, that it is Hollywood nonsense, or that the spouse must definitely support this idea in order to actively participate in the process.

It is important to forgive each other, free kamagra 100mg from the old agreements on which the union was built, and conclude new

A break with a partner, Catherine emphasizes, this is one of the biggest injuries that we have to face. She assures that her technique is suitable for everyone who is experiencing a difficult period, “especially those who are inclined to immerse in negative experiences and who threatens to remain injured for a long time”.

She divides the process of parting by 5 steps. The first three are devoted to cope with their negative emotions (they need to be identified, called and, ultimately, accept) and recognize their part of responsibility for divorce. “Even if by 97% this is the fault of another person, we must figure out, but where are our 3%? Because in them, our ability to trust ourselves is hidden in them. This is necessary to move forward, ”says Thomas.

The third stage includes identification and the breakdown of the usual patterns. “You need to see your hidden beliefs that are“ illuminated ”by parting (for example,“ I am again lonely (a) ”,“ I am not good enough (a) ”), and get rid of them in order to build a healthier relationship in the future”. And only the fourth and fifth step is connected with the partner. Here we are talking about how to forgive each other, how to free themselves from the old agreements on which the union was built, and conclude new ones, since relations now inevitably should take a different form.

Katherine herself went through these stages during her divorce. The very story of her marriage is notable. Meeting with her husband, radio hosting Marc Austin Thomas, inspired her to write the book “In a Step from Love”. “At 41, I wondered if I had missed my chance to get married and create a family,” she shares. And she answered herself – no, it can’t be. Even announced to friends that 42 would marry. “But this does not mean that I took up the search for a partner. Instead, I took up introspection, looking for invisible barriers within myself, which prevented me from arranging my personal life ”.

For example, it was necessary to find in yourself and let go of old grievances, to recall even such seemingly stupid things as the “contract”, which she concluded with her boyfriend in her student years that they would return to each other when they will be 60. This work was not in vain. At 42, Katherine was engaged to Mark, and a year after the wedding, they had a daughter. Therefore, when their marriage broke up, for her it turned out not only by personal, but also by a professional crisis. “I thought it was the end of my career. But I was not going to maintain an unsuccessful marriage only out of fear in my career. ".

She managed to find a way to cope with both parting and divorce. "And I thought: my example can be useful to others". Both Katherine and Mark at one time survived the divorce of their parents and did not want their daughter, who was then 11 years old, to experience the same pain. “We were united by a desire to do everything in order for our daughter to have a happy childhood,” Katherine recalls. – This intention made each of us become the "best version of ourselves". To do this, we needed generosity and cooperation. Most of us understand that in marriage it is necessary to create a healthy emotional atmosphere, deliberately do something good for each other, not to slander about a partner. But when we get divorced, we often forget that we have children, which means that we still remain a family, only in a different form. It has to be built again ".

There is a saying that time heals, but this is not so. I know people who, even after 30 years, are unable to open to another person

In a sense, they were lucky-no matter how painful the parting, they did not have to face either treason or betrayal. Katherine speaks of her husband as a noble man. So is her method suitable for those couples where one of the partners, for example, had a long connection on the side or launched all family savings to the wind?

“Yes, it was easier for us,” she admits. – However, most customers I work have faced with betrayal, with great material damage, and with other troubles. It would seem that they never recover from these destructive injuries. There is a saying that time heals, but this is not so. I know people who, even after 20 or 30 years, are not able to open to another person. Nevertheless, you can learn lessons from this experience and go forward, to a new, healthier and happy relationship. It’s not about being friends if you don’t want it. If you have been treated badly, it is quite possible that you do not want to have anything in common with this person. But you can’t live this hatred ".

Katherine and her husband are by no means “best friends”, but live in one apartment building and raise their daughter on an equal footing. He is more than a family member, according to Katherine. “Conscious parting is an idea that inspires us. I do not know anyone who would perfectly deal with this, including me. This is rather a roadmap on which you learn to pave your way ".